Hundreds of emails poured in from doctors from all over. Matlab itni khushi hui ki mann kiya surgeries free mein karwa loon. Jokes apart, the feedback gave me such moving insight into the kind of stressful conditions our docs work under. Basking in all the love from the docs also made me dig out some pieces from the past that a lot of you related to — some on more serious issues and some that simply whined about annoying human behaviour.

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The only thing worse than getting married is getting married for wrong reasons, under pressure. Some time back, a year-old girl from Uganda had her big, fancy wedding ceremony. She married herself, to get the parental pressure off her back. Because the right age must not pass, you see. Otherwise both will be difficult to find — rishtas, and well, love. Kya stress hai, by God. I toh anyway firmly come from the shaadi is barbaadi public school but now, talking to younger cousins and colleagues, I have come to the conclusion that the only thing worse than getting married is getting married for wrong reasons, under pressure.

The thought made me revisit what I had written in this column some time back on this subject. Since the stress remains the same, the advice remains the same, too. And it might be more pertinent now because the wedding season is upon us. Jaise hi best friend ki shaadi hui, the pressure of your own shaadi multiplies by a million in your head, right?

This mail from a year-old girl from Indore cleared my doubts. All the three, apart from me, have either got married or engaged. My parents are broad minded enough and asked me if I like someone. Now, there is a guy in office who I somewhat like. Shall I quickly do friendship with him? Seems like we are deciding on buying a dress or something.

Gyaan is all I have right now and it may just make sense to you. Please remember Because whatever said and done, desperation shows. Coming on too strongly can intimidate, scare or simply put people off. All that a good decision ever wants in life, is time and thought. Give it both. Now, that mindset has thankfully gone from at least the educated middle class, and so should the stress. Because life will, later. Your happiness, whether you have a Mrs or Miss in front of your name, will only come from your own thoughts.

None of them can, or should, influence your decision to get married. The voice, about the right time and the right person, has to come from within you. No relative will then own up to the responsibility of pushing you into an unhappy state.

Take your time before you take the plunge. Even if it means taking forever. Staying single is not the end of life. Sonal Kalra may have given anti-marriage gyaan but she secretly loves the concept of getting married to self in a big ceremony. Rishtedaar shagun toh denge hi, whatsay?

Mail your thoughts at sonal. Follow on Twitter sonalkalra Subscribe Thank you for subscribing to our daily newsletter.


A Calmer You, By Sonal Kalra: Don’t buckle under the pressure to marry

And it has brought along a truckload of stress, as always. The wedding season has already set in. And it has brought with it a truckload of stress, as always. So one has to try really hard to make love happen these days, varna ghar waale pakad ke arranged marriage kara dete hain. I wondered if this desperation to escape the possibility of being tied to a virtual stranger for life, is making people get into relationships without too much thought. All three, apart from me, have either got married or engaged. My parents are broad-minded enough and asked me if I like someone.


A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: You got just one life and it’s short, so spend it your way

Run the person through these five tests to see if they fit the bill. He sends me a mail every two months. I have several problems with Mukundan. Maybe, just maybe, this shy awkwardness is not letting sachcha pyaar stay on in his life for long. Who knows. Vaise who knows what sachcha pyaar is, in the first place. Most of us latch on to the first relationship that seems reasonably okay to us, and try to squeeze-fit it into the sachcha pyaar mould.


A Calmer You, By Sonal Kalra: Are you under Shaadi ka Pressure?

I got the idea to write about it when I observed a young guy in the office cafeteria yelling at his mom because she had made the mistake of calling him to ask how to send an audio message through Whatsapp. Aapko samajh toh aayega nahi. Also, the tone in which he said it. But it did make me realise and feel guilty about the several times when even I may have lost patience while helping my parents understand new technologies that keep hitting us every day.


A Calmer You, by Sonal Kalra: Sachcha pyaar, really?

Well, mujhe toh kuchh bhi keh lo…baat toh maine samajhdari wali hi ki thi nah? Hai nah? There, your smile says it all. Anyway, two other mails, not on the subject but still very interesting, stood out. These mails came from two distinct parts of India, and were written by two people of opposite genders, yet spoke of the same raw nerve. While Ambika from Lucknow said she loves her inclination to dress and behave like a tomboy, Ankur from Patiala confessed to hating the fleeting feminine traits he has in his behaviour. Both of them, however, share a common trait.

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